CelesTea

I'd prefer to remain a mystery, I never like to give my background, and, anyway, I make it up all up different every time I'm asked.

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i thought that i had wrangled it, this deep gouge. i thought that i had fought with it, torn and clawed and scraped at it until it was nothing but a faded scar, tanned over and forgotten.

but i can’t help the thoughts that come swimming in at night, at morning, at noon. they come in waves of unpredictable anguish and they strangle, vines pouring from the scar that wasn’t really ever a scar at all. just waiting.

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Sometimes

In the middle of my sentences-

When I glance at the clock-

While walking through a lot of parked cars-

I wonder, if we have ever even met at all

Filed under waiting naps ilikeyou who

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I thought I understood it 

That I could grasp it 
But I didn’t 
Not really 
I knew the smudgeness of it 
The pink-slippered-all-containered-semi-precious eagerness of it 
I didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole 
The wholeness was a rather luxurious idea 
Because its the halves that halve you in half 
Didn’t know 
Don’t know about the in between bits 
The gory bits of you 
And gory bits of me

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I used to have dreams
Dreams of feeling feelings
And then I woke up
Feeling the rawness
The role of the world
And remembered the endings of so many books
Only to welcome the beginning of the unlovable wanderer